10 reasons NO one wants to follow you on Twitter

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http://collegecandy.com/2012/01/10/10-reasons-no-one-wants-to-follow-you-on-twitter/?utm_source=crowdignite.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=crowdignite.com#photo=5

Healing Divorce Anger

Anger is a normal emotion in the healing process in any divorce, but if it becomes destructive when turned into rage and vindictiveness. Whether you're on the giving or the getting end, it can literally drive you crazy. Here are some tips from Divorce Magazine for coping with divorce and taming the anger.
If you're angry...

1. Write it out where only you will read it.
   
2. Shout it out where only you will hear it.
   
3. Talk it out with a friend, therapist or support group.
   
4. Take responsibility for your part in the breakup.
   
5. Identify what triggers your anger.
   
6. Think before you respond.
   
7. Keep children out of the conflict.
   
8. Hold conflicts at a moderate level.
   
9. Choose your battles carefully - let the small stuff go.
   
10. Express how you feel rather tossing out accusations.
    
11. Acknowledge how sad you are.
    
12. Forgive, let go, move on.

If he/she is angry...

1. Defuse anger by listening.
   
2. Identify where you can help.
   
3. Walk away or end the call if you can't handle the anger.
   
4. Limit what you'll take and how you'll be treated.
   
5. Boost self-esteem through assertiveness training.
   
6. Deal with each issue separately.
   
7. Don't take your ex-spouse's comments too personally.
   
8. Stay calm. It's not your anger.
   
9. Learn to recognize your own hot buttons.
   
10. Try a little compassion - even if it's hard.
    
11. Hear the pain, shame or fear behind the anger.
    
12. Refuse face-to-face contact and screen calls if you sense any danger.

http://archive.lovingyou.com/content/love/breakups-content.php?ART=divanger&utm_source=crowdignite.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=crowdignite.com

Renew Your Mind (Anger vs Love Diagram)

It is important to discard the anger thinking-pattern and replace it with the love thinking-pattern by renewing your mind. In the love thinking-pattern, we are no longer focusing on selfishness. When you discard lies, myths, deceptions, and misconceptions and replace them with the truth, you are renewing your mind. You renew your mind by changing what you believe. When you change your belief system, you can be transformed (see Romans 12:1,2).
	Discarding Lies and Embracing Truths. You can change the anxiety in your personal world by changing what you believe. You can also begin the process of overlapping your personal world with God's real world. The world and the flesh will tell you lies through your experiences. The devil will plant lies and deceptions directly into your mind and they will always seem to be your thoughts. To renew your mind, begin by stating the belief, "I can reject each lie or deception and choose to replace it with the truth. Each time I do this, I will be renewing my mind." Then, compare each lie or deception in the left column with the truth in the right column. Use the following prayer to help you change each lie or deception that you currently believe to the truth.
	Read the following prayer aloud: God, my Father, I discard the deception that (read the item in the left column) and choose to accept that (read the item in the right column) as the truth. I choose to make this part of my belief system and act on it in my daily life. In Jesus name. Amen.

Renewing Your Mind
Anger Thinking-Pattern	Love Thinking-Pattern
Anger is a proper response to people who offend me.	Anger is a "red flag" that tells me that I am in danger of setting my mind on the flesh, living by my old nature, and putting myself before God and man. People do not offend me; rather, I choose to be offended. God wants me to respond to others with love.
It is proper to respond to the actions of others by thinking or saying, "You should of..." "You should..." "You could of..." "You could..." "If you would have..." "You shouldn't have..." "I expect you to..." "I expected you to..."I need you to..." "I needed you to..." "You're supposed to..."	When I focus on my requirements and myself, I am disappointed, annoyed, and dissatisfied, when others do not comply with my demands. God wants me to focus on Him and others. He wants me to work toward meeting their needs. I set myself up by using these anger thinking-patterns.
It is proper to criticize, judge, nag, belittle, name-call, and attack by saying, "You never..." "You always..."You had no right to..." "You don't measure up to..."You deserve my wrath and anger because..."	It is right and proper to accept the behaviors of others, good or bad, return good for evil, pray for those who use me, and to expect nothing from my loved ones and others. Other people deserve my love, mercy, and compassion.
To get my way, I can engage in warlike behaviors such as controlling, manipulating, threatening, pushing, and hitting.	I focus on His ways and purposes. I want Him to make me the person and spouse He created me to be. It is right and proper to work toward consensus in my relationships. I set myself up by using these anger thinking-patterns and behaviors.
I have the right to pursue my goals, dreams, desires, expectations, needs, wants, career, children, and so forth by whatever means necessary. I have the right to be angry when others stand in my way.	I want to pursue God's goals, dreams, desires, and expectations by conducting my life according to His ways, not mine. It is up to God to accomplish all of these things in His time. I will wait on God. I set myself up by using these anger thinking-patterns.
No negative consequences result from anger. It is a natural and normal way to deal with other people who offend me.	Anger is from my sin nature - my dead "old self" and gives Satan a place in my life. Satan will use anger to destroy my relationship with God and others. I set myself up by using these anger thinking-patterns.
I have the right to get angry, hostile, frustrated, irritable, critical, judgmental, violent, controlling, and so forth, anytime I want to achieve whatever I want.	God says anger does not accomplish His righteousness. We are to take off anger "as if" it was dirty clothing. We are to lay anger aside. We are to resolve any issue to which we have responded with anger by day's end. I am to use the love thinking-pattern. I am to achieve what God wants.

Replacing Anger with Love

Out of nowhere, this guy swerves in front of me, forcing me to slam on my brakes and I yell, "You Jerk! You could have killed me!" Immediately, my heart is pounding and my body is charged with adrenalin. In that same instant, I sense my body shaking and my breathing labored. As I continue to drive to work I think, That guy had no right to cut me off. One day he's going to get killed or kill someone else. He put my life in jeopardy. He has no right to do that. He should know better. What kind of idiot is he anyway? I should of just rammed right into him. He deserved it. With each thought, I become more and more agitated. By the time I arrive at work, I get out of my car and my legs nearly buckle under me. When I enter my office, I am ready to lash out at anyone who crosses me. It is 7:50 AM and none of the mental health facility staff has arrived. One of the drivers, who picks up clients for the day-time program, comes into my office and informs me that I have to handle the 2-way radio until someone else comes in. I say OK, but my mind is full of angry thoughts How am I supposed to get the monthly billing report faxed to corporate headquarters by 10 AM if I am stuck answering the 2-way radio, answering the phone, calling clients, and looking up addresses for the new driver? This isn't fair! One of the counseling staff is supposed to be handling this. Thinking about the situation, I realize that I do not like how I am feeling or the way I am acting. I wonder, Is anger OK for Christians? Is there a better way to deal with these situations?
	"Big boys don't cry. Next time get up and hit him back. Never show fear to your enemy. I'm not angry; I'm just frustrated, irritable, annoyed, or letting off some steam. It's okay to think critical thoughts as long as I don't act on them."
	In our culture, anger is the only emotion that is acceptable to men. However, women soon learn to use it as well. We are an angry society.
	We use the anger thinking-pattern when we respond negatively to unfulfilled expectations or desires. We use the anger thinking-pattern when we respond negatively to someone or something that has wronged or hurt us. We use the anger thinking-pattern when we think thoughts of disapproval or condemnation of someone who has wronged us. We use the anger thinking-pattern when we think unfavorably about someone. We use the anger thinking-pattern to express aggressive, warlike hostility in our behaviors. We use the anger thinking-pattern to respond to "bad" past experiences such as people mistreating us or abusing us. We may use the anger thinking-pattern because we believe lies from the world, the flesh, and the devil. For example, we may believe the lie that anger and violence are normal and acceptable ways to deal with life and solve problems. We use the anger thinking-pattern when we try to get revenge or try to punish others. Under these conditions, we might think things like, People need to be punished. People are basically bad. I have the right to vent my anger when: I am wronged, I am misunderstood, I am falsely accused, and when I am offended. These kinds of thoughts are components of the anger thinking-pattern.
	ANGER
	In the New Testament, the Greek word (or gid' zo) has been translated anger, be angry, and be furious. The Greek word (thoo mos') has also been translated anger, rage; and intense feeling. It is a feeling thinking-pattern. It is a combination of thoughts that can reflect wrath, anger, retribution, punishment, revenge, rage, and intense feeling. The word translated wrath comes from the Greek word (or gay'), and it means wrath, anger, retribution, punishment, and revenge. It is a "mental process."
	The anger thinking-pattern stimulates the brain to send signals to the nerve cells in the hypothalamus. The hypothalamus is the portion of the diencephalons forming the floor of the median ventricle of the brain. The hypothalamus stimulates sympathetic nerves to constrict the arteries carrying blood to the skin, kidneys, and intestines. In addition, the brain sends a signal to the adrenal glands to pump large doses of adrenaline and cortisol into the bloodstream. Our hearts beat faster and our blood pressure rises. In addition, our stomach muscles tighten and we may experience spasms and abdominal pains.
	In the book Getting Anger Under Control, Neil T. Anderson and Rich Miller talk about why the mind determines body-emotions:
	It is not the events themselves that trigger our physiological responses. Nor is it our adrenal glands themselves that initiate the release of adrenaline. Rather, external events are picked up by our five senses and sent as a signal to our brains. The mind then interprets the data and choices are made - and that is what determines the signal that is sent from the brain and nervous system to the peripheral nervous system. The brain cannot function any other way than in the way it has been programmed by the mind. This is why we are transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2).
	The anger thinking-pattern can kill. It can kill you. If you continue to use the anger thinking-pattern to respond to life, you may eventually block the blood flow to your heart and become another notch in the belt of America's heart-attack statistics.
	Unrighteous or dangerous wrath. Wrath (or gay') is used seven times in the New Testament to refer to the use of personal wrath. Two verses define the "how" of a Christian's wrath. These guidelines do not encourage wrath, rather, they warn us about wrath. For example, the Apostle James explains that we should be slow to wrath (anger) because it does not achieve the righteousness of God (see James 1:19).
	Violent passion or rage - righteous anger. The word translated anger comes from the Greek word (or gid' zo) and it has been translated as angry, be furious. This word is all about righteous, violent passion or rage. The passage in Ephesians does not encourage anger, rather, it warns us about anger. Righteous anger, only to be used against the unrighteous (unbelievers), must be resolved by the end of the day. If you misuse or do not resolve your anger by the end of the day, you may sin and/or Satan may gain a place in your life. Ephesians 4:26 appears to be a quote from Psalm 4:4 and it gives us insight into the meaning and manifestation of anger in Ephesians. Psalm 4:4 says, "Tremble, and do not sin." It describes David's physical manifestation of anger; trembling. He trembled when he was warning the unrighteous (unbelievers) about their attitudes.
	The practice of anger. Paul writes about the "deeds" or the expression of thoughts of the flesh. One of the "deeds" is outbursts of anger, (thoo' mos). He says that the people who practice those deeds will not inherit the kingdom of God.
	There are some Christian writers who encourage Christians to practice assertive anger; who say that the anger that motivates us to righteous deeds is good. It is constructive. Warning! Warning! Warning! If we respond to every unrighteous, sinful person and behavior throughout our day with righteous anger (wrath), we will be consumed by anger (wrath). This is not what the New Testament teaches!
	When the thoughts associated with the anger thinking-pattern are not captured, rejected, and replaced with the thoughts associated with the positive love thinking-pattern, they become a negative thought process. The anger thinking-pattern is a negative thought process for the Christian because the anger thinking-pattern comes from your "old self," your sin nature. When you are physically born, you are separate from God and God's ways. Before you became a Christian, you developed patterns of thought and behavior based on your separation from God that led to dysfunctional thinking-patterns such as the anger thinking-pattern. The anger thinking-pattern can persist even after you become a Christian. This dysfunctional thinking-pattern is the driving force behind most dysfunctional families.
	The anger thinking-pattern leads to verbal, emotional, social, financial, spiritual, sexual, and physical abuse.
	The anger thinking-pattern can drive you to use behaviors that can kill others. However, God has made it possible to replace the anger thinking-pattern with the love thinking-pattern by renewing your mind. Study the Six-step Anger thinking-pattern below.
	Analyze: My wife yelled at me, called me nasty names, slapped my face, and threatened to leave me. Research: I have had problems with my wife for years. She has hurt me. She has wronged me. Hypothesize: She doesn't love me. She is going to leave me. She isn't a good Christian wife. She should get what she gives. She has wronged me. She will continue to hurt and wrong me. Propose: Should I get revenge? Should I hurt her also? Should I force her to change? Decide: Yes! I want to make her pay. I want to get back at her. Initiate: I believe that she doesn't love me. She is going to leave me. She isn't a good Christian wife. She should get what she gives. She has wronged me. She will continue to hurt and wrong me.
	When the Six-step Mental Process is completed, you will put your thoughts into action by modifying your Belief System or acting on them or both. Notice that signals sent to the brain, which in turn initiate Observable Behaviors and Body-emotions, can originate from either the Belief System or from the thoughts about how you will carry out your conclusions (Initiate). In this case, the Observable Behavior is...I am warring with her and getting my revenge.
	Notice, that for each step you complete in the Six-step Mental Process, your existing belief system impacts how you use that step.
	LOVE
	In the New Testament, the word translated love comes from the Greek word (ag ah' pay), and it has been translated as love (primarily of Christian love); concern, interest; sacred meal shared by the early Church. Paul says:
	Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).
	I would summarize the New Testament teachings about preventing anger:
	Die to yourself. Give up your life. Stop expecting anything from others. Do good to those who do evil to you. Focus on the welfare of others rather than yourself. Give up your goals, plans, and deadlines. Pray for anyone who abuses you in any way. Live with and through the offense and pain caused by others. In other words, partner with God, to love the person next to you.
	Loving Others - God's Way: (an explanation of the text found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
	Patience: When others cause me to suffer, (emotionally, socially, financially, physically, spiritually), attempt to provoke me, upset my plans and schedule, or cause me to have to deal with tedious issues (shopping, sports, chores, bills, and so forth), I will not complain either to them or about them verbally or within my mind.
	Kindness: No matter what circumstances others are experiencing e.g. feeling sad, hurt, upset, I will listen to what they want to share with me. I will try to understand their experience and feeling. I will validate their thoughts and feelings. I will be helpful, supportive, and on good terms with them. I will not be hostile. I will be polite, refined, and mild (not rough or violent). I will be moved to sympathy and compassion. I will give of my time, my energy, my assets, and myself to meeting the needs of others, even before they ask.
	Lack of Jealousy: I do not have any fear or suspicions about others being unfaithful to me. I believe they will always love me, care for me, be here for me, and devoted to me. I do not have any resentment about their success in life or any advantages they may have over me. I will live transparent before them by sharing my thoughts and feelings about everything with them. I will not cling to what I consider "my rights."
	No Bragging: I will focus on other's skills and abilities rather than on my abilities and myself. I won't brag or demonstrate pride about my own skills and abilities because only God deserves the credit for anything I might do: He is my creator and has given me what I have.
	Not Arrogant: I will not make claims about my so-called rights. I realize that my importance and stature comes only from God. The rights that God has given me are to be used to minister and serve others rather than myself.
	Not Unbecoming: I will not think or act in anyway that would bring shame or dishonor to others. I will act as a disciple of Christ and I intend to allow Christ to show through my life to them.
	Seeks Not Its Own: I will not be selfish or self-centered. I will not put my interests and desires before others. I will not make demands simply to get my own way. I will look for ways to help them achieve their goals and dreams.
	Not Provoked: I will always see other's actions and words as being beneficial to my well-being. I will always assume that they are acting for my benefit and with good intentions. When others want to do things that change my plans or schedule, I will comply or negotiate a new plan or schedule with them. I will look for ways to serve and minister to them even if their actions go against my goals or me.
	Does not Take into Account: I will not act differently toward others when they do something against me. I will look for ways to love them in whatever the circumstance e.g. if they are hurting, fearful, angry, or out of control. I will minister to them and their needs.
	Not Glad about Unrighteousness: I will not be happy about myself if I act in sinful, evil, unjust, or unfair ways toward others. My desire and intent is to act righteously, fairly, and justly toward them.
	Glad about the Truth: I will be glad when I act in ways that are based on right motives, such as being loyal, trustworthy, sincere, genuine, and honest.
	Bears All Things: If I suffer for God's sake, for righteousness sake, for the sake of truth because of my relationship with others, I will hold up with patience and stamina - as God gives me the strength and guidance.
	Believes All Things: I believe that God works in the lives of others. I believe that He wants to live through them and to reach out to touch them for His sake.
	Hopes All Things: I will hope for the best in the lives of others. I hope that God will accomplish His purposes in them. I will wait and have confidence that God will work in their lives, in His timing.
	Endures All Things: I will stand fast and hold out during the hard times of life with others: illness, poverty, conflicts, and all other circumstances in my relationships - even when those times may challenge my strength and resources.
	Never Fails: I will love others with confidence that my love for them will not bring any harm to me or to others because of my love for them and that God will enable me to love them forever. My love for them will never die away. God is love and I will allow Him to express His love to others through me, forever.
	The New Testament teaches you how to prevent or replace anger thinking-patterns. You can exercise your free will. You have a choice. You can prevent the anger thinking-pattern by choosing to respond to the attack or threat or abuse with the love thinking-pattern.   http://www.ntpinstitute.org/Anger.asp?link=Anger

Understanding the Anger/Love Connection

 

The emotion of anger is not always a negative feeling to experience. In fact, being angry in some ways can be a positive outlet and something that should not be ignored. However, having rage inside that results in harmful tendencies towards yourself or other people, and from which the source is painful experience, is not healthy at all. This type of anger should be dealt with before it escalates into more negative experiences.
Designed for your protection and safety, anger is ultimately your friend and close ally. But until you can accept this kind of feeling as a part of your being, you will tend to be at war with the emotion of anger as well as yourself. You must first understand that anger is a protective emotion and then consider the ways in which anger can be useful and positive to you.
Because anger springs immediately from pain and fear, and then ultimately love, you must be careful that this anger is not disconnected from other basic emotions. This is when it becomes dangerous. Once you overstep that boundary of caring for your feelings or the feelings of another person, your anger has the power to instill pain, either emotional or physical.
On the other hand, if you can connect love for every angry feeling you get, anger tends to dissolve and love and sense prevail. Below are four ways in which you can better understand your anger:
1. Learn to recognize the relationship that exists between the emotions of anger, fear, pain, and love. There is an inherent connection between all three and the mark of a healthy individual is one where that person can target the origin from which their emotions of anger and stemming from. Is it fear? Is it pain? Or is the root cause of the anger stemming from love?
2. Learn to identify the vast differences between the actions that are motivated by fear and the actions that are motivated by love. Again, this is very similar to number one above. Your goal should be to immediately identify your feelings of anger and the feelings of anger from other people and where they come from.
3. Understand that having courage is a result of the anger-love connection. Having courage to face a problem that has resulted from being anger with a loved one is a necessity in life, but only if that courage is connected with a positive intention.
4. Begin to consider how anger shows up when it is felt and expressed in conjunction with love. Health couples and those that stay married for a long time have mastered this art. And it is the ability to decipher and communicate through anger when dealing with the person they are in love with. Learn to do this and you will find that you will attract more loving people into your life.

http://self-help.vocaboly.com/archives/8/understanding-the-angerlove-connection/

The Ripple Effects of Anger

 

The school bus would arrive at any moment. Parth hurried to a table to drink his milk. Just then Bhakti, Parth's younger sister arrived there. She took a plate for her breakfast. Her hand mistakenly touched the glass of milk and the milk spilled over Parth's uniform.

"Oh……no! Look, what have you done! Can't you look before you take your plate?" Parth screamed at Bhakti. His face turned red with anger.
"I am so sorry, Parth. I didn't mean to……." Bhakti said regretfully but Parth didn't even let Bhakti finish her apology and ran to his room to change.
"His other uniform was not ironed. "Now, what will I wear? How can I wear this stained uniform?" thought Parth, still very angry at Bhakti. He had no other option than to wear the crumpled uniform. He heard the bus driver honk outside but he hadn't packed his bag yet. Eventually, his mother let the school bus go and dropped Parth to school.
He was praying all the way that his class teacher should be in a good mood and pardon his coming late. But no prayers of pardons seemed to work for D.K sir. Parth's punishment was to go out on the ground and run one mile. He felt very embarrassed. All the way while running there, Parth was burning inside. He blamed Bhakti for his punishment and was waiting to return home and scold her.
He was very tired and exhausted because of his anger. When he returned home, he saw that Bhakti was studying for her geography test. "Chennai is the capital of Tamilnadu", Bhakti was memorizing the capitals of Indian states. Parth entered the room and heard Bhakti's voice.
"You fool! Chennai is not the capital, Madras is the capital of Tamilnadu", saying that he snatched her geography notebook and tore her page. Parth was always convinced that he was right. Bhakti collected the torn pieces of paper with tears in her eyes. This was Parth's way of getting even with Bhakti.
Just then, they heard their mother's call for dinner. "Come on, kids dinner is ready. I have made pau-bhaji today", Mummy said.
"What…..pau-bhaji?? But I had asked you to make pizza tonight!! Why don't you ever listen to me?" Parth exploded. But a stare from Mummy was enough to make him finish his dinner. He gulped his dinner as fast as he could and rushed to his room.
After some time, his father returned from work. He came to Parth's room. Parth was lying on his bed reading something. "How was your day, dear?" Papa asked. Parth broke down and told his father about his eventful day.

His father listened to him attentively and then calmly said, "Spilling milk was just an accident. You became angry because you felt that you incurred a loss and were embarrassed to go to school in a crumpled uniform. But have you never spilled anything in your life before? And then you felt insulted because you were punished. But, tell me, will you miss your bus if you make it a habit to pack your bag the night before?
You were burning with anger and you tore Bhakti's notebook page and hurt her. Then you exploded on Mummy because you didn't get pizza for dinner. A person becomes angry when things don't go his way and such a person burns from within and then hurts others. Do you like to burn?"
Parth mumbled, "No. I don't like that feeling at all. But what should I do now?"
"You should ask for forgiveness from Bhakti and Mummy because you have hurt them with your anger and you should resolve never to get angry again". Papa said. "And, by the way, the new name for Madras is Chennai!" He winked at Parth as he left the room.
Parth realised his mistake and instantly asked for forgiveness and decided strongly not to get angry again on anybody.
Moral: The person is hurt when you become angry on him & hurting others bind bad karmas, results of which have to be compensated in the next life. Dadashri says that anger is a weakness. Those who don't use anger as a weapon have sheel(extraordinary moral character). Sheel in a person subdues even animals. Lions, tigers, and enemies all will surrender to such a person.

http://kids.dadabhagwan.org/magic-box/stories/moral-stories/the-ripple-effects-of-anger/

WHY ARE MANY WOMEN ANGRY?

 

 

This article may be difficult for some women to accept.  So I will take it step by step.

 

1. What is anger?  Physically and biochemically speaking, anger is an adrenal glandular hormonal response that prepares the body to fight or run away.  In other words, it is a body response that is a type of minor fight-or-flight response that prepares the body to actually fight or run from a perceived threat or attack.

Thus, becoming angry has similar effects on the body as does fighting or running away.  The blood pressure rises, and the blood glucose or sugar level rises, along with insulin, to move more “fuel” into the muscles in preparation for a fight.  Also, blood is shunted away from the digestive and eliminative organs.  Instead, it is shunted to the head or brain, and to the muscles, again for the purpose of preparing the body for a fight.

This is fine in an emergency, and that is what it is for.  However, when it becomes a common occurrence or worse, a lifestyle, it takes a toll on one’s health, which is why the subject of anger is so important to discuss openly and honestly.

 

2. What is anger on a psychological and spiritual level?  Psychologically, anger is non-action, and instead it is always based upon projection of fear, or perhaps another negative emotion such as loneliness.  This statement needs explaining. 

Action versus projecting. When faced with a difficult situation, one can take action.  This is a normal adrenal response.  It is a non-reversed response to a situation that is bothering you.

However, another common response is to become angry, instead.  This idea is called a reversal effect.   Instead of dealing with an issue, one reverses it and tries to send the problem back outside of oneself, blaming others.  In this sense, getting angry is a non-action response that seems like action, but really it is not.

 

Projection as reversal.  The nature of all human beings is to project that which they do not want in their lives.  To project something means to sort of spit it out of oneself, and assign it or give it to someone or something outside of oneself.  This is the essential idea of projection.

For example, I lived in a remote agricultural village in Mexico some years ago for 6 months.  The people’s life and livelihood depended upon the rain to water the corn crop.  When it did not rain on time, the villagers did several interesting things.  They believed that God or Jesus was angry with them, and they prayed to a saint to bring rain.  They also became angry at another saint who was in charge of the weather in the neighboring village, and they believed it was his fault that the rains had not come.

This is an example of how projection works.  The villagers were very uncomfortable with the lack of rain.  Rather than stay with the discomfort, or perhaps take action such as installing a watering system, they projected the problem outside of themselves.  They did this by asserting that it was God’s wrath upon them, or that it was the doing of a saint from another village.

In a similar fashion, all human beings tend to project their fears and worries outside of themselves in order to lessen the burden of fear that we all feel at times.  We never really know if we will be safe, if we will have enough to eat, a place to live, and so on.  Fear is a constant companion for human beings, even those who are wealthy and live in luxury.  

To repeat the principle, if one is afraid of something, and does not like the feeling that result from fear, a common response is to project the cause of the fear outside of oneself.  Then one can respond to the outside person or force at arm’s length, so to speak.  That is much easier than keeping the feeling within.  The body’s response to any threat or attack from outside is a mild adrenal hormonal fight-or-flight response that we call anger.

Projecting positive traits.  Interestingly, most people also tend to project their greatness or extreme goodness that they do not feel worthy to own or keep for themselves.  Instead, they assign it to special ones such as Jesus, Buddha, the president, perhaps, or someone else whom they admire.  This is a variant on the same principle.  They are basically uncomfortable with the truth about themselves, which might suggest or demand certain actions.  So they “spit it out”, or reverse it, and give it to someone who they think better embodies goodness, greatness, unconditional love, or some other positive quality that the person does not want to admit about himself or herself.  Too often, this is how the human mind works.

 

3. How does this relate to women versus men?  One aspect is that women are more reversed and more fearful than men.  More reversed is an esoteric concept having to do with yin and yang, copper and zinc, and other factors.

Women are more fearful than men for many reasons that I will list because they are important for women and men to understand:

 

A. Physical and anatomical reasons for fear in women.  Women are physical smaller, lighter weight, and weaker in terms of muscles than men.  They are thus more delicate creatures than men.  This is just a fact.  It is not good or bad.  It is just the truth. 

Also, due to their sexual apparatus, they are far more subject to being raped than men if they are attacked. This is a horror for all women and it is in their minds at all times.

They are also more physically attractive, which makes them subject to what may be called negative attention or ‘being hit upon’ by men. 

In many cases, they are also less physically agile than men, so they are more awkward in running away or fighting.  To make this worse, in addition, many women foolishly wear fashionable, but uncomfortable clothing that makes it harder for them to run away from attackers.  This includes shoes with no arches or high heels, tight pants that make it hard to bend the body, tight blouses that restrict the body, and more.  Some are even more foolish and wear revealing clothing that actually attracts the men’s eyes and bodies to them.  This which puts the women in even more danger and fear, although they may not realize it.  All of this contributes to fear physically. 

 

B. Hormonal reasons for more fear.  Female hormones cycle monthly, changing each day.  This can be upsetting for young, menstruating women because some of them literally think and feel different on different days.  Men do not have to deal with this hormonally-caused perception problem.

Men have more testosterone, a hormone that gives one a feeling of superiority, safety, and confidence.  Women have more estrogens, hormones that increase copper and decrease zinc.  This combination often gives rise to more spacey and less confident attitudes.  This is explained more below.

 

C. Biochemical reasons for women’s greater level of fear.  Women have much higher copper levels than men, and lower zinc levels, in most all cases.  Copper stimulates the biogenic amines, which accentuate the emotions.  Copper has other enzymatic effects that stimulate the diencephalon or old, animal brain.  Meanwhile, men have less of this, and have more zinc in their bodies.  Zinc tends to calm and balance the emotions.

Women also have a slower oxidation rate than men, in general.  This is related to their hormone levels, particularly estrogen, which slows the oxidation rate, and other genetic factors.  The effect is that their glandular system is more sluggish, and generates less energy than men’s glandular system, in general.  As a result, women tend to be lower energy creatures than men.  This also makes them more scared, as energy is a key to being able to fight back and/or run away from all threats and attacks upon them.  This is a critical difference between men and women that is not appreciated nearly enough.

This is enough, I hope, to convince the reader that women are more fearful than men.

 

4. What does this have to do with anger?  As explained above, the main method that everyone uses to deal with fear is to project it away from oneself, and then respond to it with anger.  This is just a fact of life.  Women have more fear, and therefore they are more prone to anger.  This is the entire reason.  It is not better or worse, it is just a fact about men and women. 

Here are other reasons some women are prone to more anger than men.

 

FATHERS AND OLDER BROTHERS DID NOT KNOW HOW TO LOVE THEM PROPERLY

 

Not loving a young girl properly is very common.  Here some may disagree, but I believe that all women want and require the love of a mature, detached, non-sexually involved man in their life.  It is a fatherly love that they crave.  It is basically the love of the Creator or God, but in human form.  Men, of course, need this, too.

Women also want and need an excellent role model so they can grow up properly centered and relaxed, and then they will seek out and be able to identify the right man to marry or mate with so they will remain safe, relaxed and centered.  When father or older brother does not provide this role model, young girls become very angry, and it gets worse if they later marry men who are like their father or older brothers. 

Many different scenarios of improper love for a daughter are possible, such as:

 

·           Spoiling the child.  This is usually due to sexual games, or simple immaturity on the part of the father, or some other kind of ego interplay with the daughter or with the wife, perhaps.

·           Father loves his daughter so much he fears harming her in some way, so he avoids loving contact with her.  This occurs quite often, in fact, especially if the mother is loving, so the father defers to her for giving the girl hugs and so on.  This, I contend, is a big mistake.  Girls need the love of a father as well, as it is quite different in effect and feeling from the love of the mother.

·           Unavailable in some way.  Sometimes the father must be absent for work.  At other times, the father is simply emotionally cold or uneducated as to how to express feeling and say the right things, so he feels awkward and withdraws.  Sometimes a father is so intimidated by his wife that he just gives up and lives in his own world, allowing mother to raise the children.  This is also common and harms the daughters a lot.  Some men simply do not relate well to women, due to their own unresolved and unforgiven traumas.  This can affect a young girl who cannot understand why her father is distant, or mean, or acts strangely in some way.

·           Resentment of Dad by mother that is either taught to the daughter, or the daughter just copies it, distances the daughter from her father.  This is also extremely common.  She wakes up too late, often, to realize what she or her mother have done to her and how much she misses the love of her father that was, in fact, there for her.  This is a common and sad refrain found in middle-aged women who have often had unhappy marriages and cannot figure out why.

·           Father may be a bad example – perhaps alcoholic, or a poor provider, or perhaps the cheating type.  This can cause tremendous anger in a daughter.  It can turn to hatred that separates the daughter from her father.

·           Lack of gentleness, or knowledge of how to handle a child.  Some men simply do not know how to treat a daughter.  This goes for some mothers as well.  Women, however, tend to be a little gentler than men, which the children need, especially at a young age.

·           Some men do not like having children around, and this can be felt by the children easily.  If a man does not like children, he should not have them.  The same is true of women, of course.

·           Intense sexual attraction between father and daughter.  This is often a karmic situation that needs resolution.  It is a very delicate matter, as neither the girl nor her father fully understand the attraction and either may subtly encourage it, making it worse.  The daughter might parade around scantily clad, for example, not realizing at all what the effect is on her dad.  The man may also walk around with just a towel on, or less, not realizing how it affects his daughter.  These are delicate matters to resolve carefully with the help of a counselor, if possible and if needed.

·           Fathers who physically or emotionally abuse their children, or vampirize them.

·           Other.  For example, some fathers really wanted a boy, so they take it out on the girl child and perhaps even try to make her into his baseball partner or golf companion. Such aberrations are not uncommon and represent areas of immaturity on the father’s part.

                 

LACK OF UNDERSTANDING OF MEN

 

Many women do not understand that men are somewhat biologically “programmed” to stare at their breasts and other areas, and that most men have a lot of trouble changing this programmed behavior.  Hating men for it won’t change it.

Also, some women do not realize that men are also biologically programmed to reproduce.  Also, women need to understand that most men do not know what love is about, and they confuse sexual desire with love.  This is unfortunate, but many women turn around and hate men for it, when this is not the solution. 

The solution is to understand biological programming.  Then women will keep their bodies well-covered up and avoid tight clothing, lots of makeup, sexy outfits, flirting and other things women do.  This will reduce the ways that women tempt men to “fall” for them, which in turn often makes women angry.

 

LACK OF GROUNDING

 

Grounding means having your “feet on the earth”.  It is a quality of maturity, but more so, it is a quality of spiritual development that usually requires specific exercises to develop. 

Most women today have more trouble with grounding than men.  This problem can easily engender anger when a woman realizes she is not clear about things, and life is not as she thought it was.

This is associated with a pattern on hair tests of sympathetic dominance, and possibly a calcium shell, or even four lows pattern.  For more information, read Keeping Your Feet On The Ground on this website.  Also read Meditation to learn how to become much more grounded and centered.

 

BIOLOGICAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

 

                  These play a role in the problem of women’s anger as well.  They include:

 

Higher copper and lower zinc.  Women have higher copper levels and lower zinc levels than men.  Copper enhances ALL the emotions, including anger.

In addition, many girls and women today are copper toxic.  In other words, they are overloaded with copper.  It begins with getting too much copper in utero from their copper-toxic mothers, today.  It is made much worse by vaccines, medical drugs, especially antibiotics, poor quality and deficient diets, vegetarian-leaning diets, and later by the use of some birth control devices that increase copper such as the pill, the patch and the copper or pill IUD.  For much more on copper, read Copper Toxicity Syndrome on this website.

 

RESENTING BEING WOMEN

 

                  Some women resent their gender.  They resent being physically weaker, being treated not as well as men in some ways, and some resent the inconvenience, discomfort and emotional upset of their menstrual cycle.

Few leaders in most nations help women make sense of their unique gifts, abilities and role in life.  This has gotten worse as men and women have abandoned traditional roles that at least used to give women more direction and a clear idea of their identity in society.

Every woman must work with these issues and find her true identity in a rapidly changing world with all sorts of strange teachings about sex, motherhood, womanhood and related issues.  Until a woman does this, most become angry as their only response to their own confusion and that of most adults around them.

 

HIGHER INTELLIGENCE AND SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT

 

Many women are very intelligent and are extremely angry because they can see the truth about life around them better than their peers, especially their male peers.  They handle this higher awareness or understanding by becoming angry with men and with the world, instead of reaching out, or at least having compassion for those who are less aware and less intelligent than themselves.

Some of these very aware young women ignore their own insights and wisdom.  Instead, they “go with friends” who are less aware in order to be accepted or liked.  However, their sensitivity and intelligence remains, and can lead to terrific anger as they watch others behave in irrational, immature, stupid or dangerous ways. 

Others withdraw and just stew in their own anger, and often turn it inward, where it becomes depression.  Still others speak out, but it is often with anger and rage, which is also not helpful and makes them worse.

The problem of the more intelligent and more spiritually aware young girls and women is probably the saddest plight.  They are the most wonderful young people, whom one wishes to nourish and encourage in their quest for truth and real love.  Unhappily, they are often found in dysfunctional homes so the parent do not understand them, they have few good friends, and little contact with spiritually-minded adults who can guide them properly.

Religious schooling or church attendance may help, but may not be enough.  They really need a different kind of education, different friends, and adults around them who have a clear head and can see their potential and at least commiserate with them that, yes, most people in the world are very immature, very silly, and often live crazy, dangerous and insane lifestyles.  If they had this, they would likely relax and just focus on their own lives and careers without as much anger.

 

FATIGUE, POOR DIETS AND UNHEALTHFUL LIFESTYLES

 

As mentioned above, women tend to be more delicate creatures than men, biologically, and they tend to be lower energy creatures to begin with.  For this reason alone, they are more affected when they follow toxic and unhealthy diets and lifestyles.  Many women, more than men, are thus exhausted and ill today, and this can result in anger.

 

WOMEN’S ANGER IS OFTEN HIDDEN BECAUSE WOMEN ARE LESS ACTION-ORIENTED THAN MEN

 

You may say, but how can it be true that women are more angry than men?  Women are sweeter and kinder than men, women do not account for most crimes, and they certainly don’t rape anyone and rarely murder people.  Women don’t tend to start wars the way men do, and women tend to be less competitive than men.  This is all true. 

However, these are actions, not anger, though they may be born of anger in some cases.  These are simply actions.

Because of their body size, hormones, and biochemistry, women are not as action-oriented as men.  They are weaker physically, so they don’t make as good robbers and rapists.  They are less often presidents of nations, so they can’t start the wars.  Most women stay at home or work in schools or offices, so their anger is expressed differently than that of men.

Action is a constructive response to a need or threat.  Anger is simply an adrenal “preparatory action” in response to need or threat.  Men, who are bigger and stronger, and who command more power in most societies, tend to respond with action.  Women get angry, also, but do not act as much as men do.  Men discharge their fears and their upsets through action.  Women tend to discharge their fear through anger and perhaps turn it inward and become depressed.

This can cause some women to become irritable, “bitchy”, depressed, upset, or underhanded in their methods of hitting back against those whom they think have hurt them.  This can be very subtle and hard to detect.  Most of their anger is directed at their mates and their families, because this is where women live most of the time.  A lot of their anger is also directed inward, where it causes suppression of emotions, depression and often diseases and emotional upset.

 

 

 

http://drlwilson.com/ARTICLES/ANGRY%20WOMEN.htm 

Angry Man on the XBOX

Relationship Anger

Is Your Kid Controling You With Anger

Have your child’s angry outbursts worn you down so much that you’ve simply learned to give in? You should know that this is not a phase or a behavior that will “just go away on its own.” Read on to discover 5 things you can do to stop your child from using “Anger with an Angle” today.
Anger is a fact of life. Everyone gets angry, including kids—they get frustrated and disappointed just like adults do. The goal for children as they mature is to learn ways to manage their anger or, as I like to say, “Solve the problem of anger.” That’s because anger is a problem—it’s not just a feeling. And like many other problems, kids solve it in different ways. Some learn to solve the problem of anger by developing skills like communication and compromise, while other kids deal with it by becoming more defiant and engaging in power struggles.

You will soon see your child’s behavior escalate until you give in. That's when anger and acting out do become premeditated.

As children grow up, most learn to manage their anger. Each time they experience new situations, they begin to draw on the skills they learned previously. Most kids learn that temper tantrums don’t work—that yelling will not help their situation and that hurting someone or breaking something will cause them more trouble in the long run. But other kids go a whole different direction and practice a thing I call “Anger with an Angle.” They learn at a very early age that if they get angry and act out—or threaten to do so—the people around them will give in. In effect, they've learned how to blackmail their parents to give them what they want.
If you were an outsider observing a child who uses “Anger with an Angle” you’d see him look as if he's losing control. But what's really going on is that this child is getting more and more control over his parents. He looks like he's losing control, when in fact, he’s gaining control. And that's the dangerous thing. The fact is, a child’s behavior won't change until he's not able to get power from it anymore. And certainly for a kid, control is power. As long as he gets power from that behavior, he's going to continue to act out.

How “Anger with an Angle” Develops
As an infant, a child’s behavior is certainly not premeditated. But as kids develop, if they see that they get their way by throwing a tantrum or threatening to get angry, they will keep doing it until they’ve trained their parents to give them what they want. And many times, parents don’t recognize what’s happening. It’s a natural progression that leaves families frustrated and overwhelmed by the time their child hits elementary school.

If you’re in this situation with your child, you will soon see his behavior escalate until you give in. That’s when anger and acting out do become premeditated.
When your child is using “Anger with an Angle,” he’ll look like he’s going to take you right to the brink. He’ll act like he’s going to throw a temper tantrum in the store. And then you have a choice: deal with that temper tantrum or buy him a candy bar. Most parents buy the candy bar, which increases the probability this behavior will occur again. I understand why parents give in. They reason, “Well, it's only a candy bar.” And I agree: I’ve got nothing against buying things for kids. But the bottom line is, how does your child go about getting that candy bar or comic book? Does he earn it with good behavior or buy it with his own allowance money? Or does he intimidate and bully you into giving in to him? If he’s doing the latter, you will probably see him act out in restaurants and other public places as well when he doesn't get his way. At home, he will threaten to have a tantrum or lose his temper to get more power over you. This is “Anger with an Angle.” Make no mistake, kids use it to solve their social problems and dictate to their parents.

By the way, you’ll often see a child who uses Anger with an Angle go to school and do the same thing. That’s because this has become his primary way of dealing with problems. You’ll see him play brinkmanship; he’ll continually take all the adults in his life to the edge; it becomes his main coping skill. And when that doesn't work, he’ll just act out. In this way, he keeps the threat of blackmail alive.
In my experience working with families, this problem just keeps getting bigger and more explosive as kids grow up. And by the way, some kids use “Anger with an Angle” by shutting down. For example, your teenage daughter may stop talking to you until you give in to her demands. If you give her what she wants, this ultimately gives her more control. Either way, if you let your child's behavior control the situation instead of following your own parenting values, then you're going to have a serious problem both now and as your child gets older.

How to Stop Giving in to “Anger with an Angle”
If your child has been using “Anger with an Angle” in your family, I think you and your spouse have to come up with a clearly defined plan of how you're going to deal with this behavior. That plan has to include teaching your child other ways to solve the problem of anger besides intimidating you or misbehaving. The plan should also include how you will teach him other ways to solve the problem of not getting his way instead of manipulating you and taking it out on you and other family members.

I think that people have to deal with acting-out behavior in an organized way. You need to take away the power associated with the threat of your child acting out. Know that whether he acts out in the supermarket, your living room or a restaurant, you can learn a way to deal with that. Here are some of the things I recommend you do when your child is employing “Anger with an Angle” in your family.

1. When Your Child Threatens to Act Out, Ask Yourself This Question
As a parent, learn to ask yourself, “What's the worst that can happen if my child acts out?” If you determine that you can live with whatever happens, then you can move on to the next step. So ask yourself, “What's the worst that's going to happen if my child acts out in the supermarket?” Insulate yourself from real risk. If the worst that could happen is your child will run onto the highway, that's too much to risk for that situation. But if the worst that can happen is that he'll lie on the floor and kick his feet, let him go at it. I always recommend that parents bring a magazine or a book with them when they take their child in public. Have a seat and let your child scream away. It may be embarrassing for those few minutes it’s happening, but your indifference will eventually teach your child that his acting-out behavior does not control you any longer.

2. Decide What You’ll Do Ahead of Time: If your child frequently acts out in public or at home, plan what you’ll do before the anger and intimidation start. Will you leave the room, or tell him that he’ll have consequences for his behavior? Decide what you’ll do ahead of time. Try your best to speak clearly and calmly when your child is having a tantrum. Do not get into a power struggle with your child over whatever it is he’s trying to use anger to accomplish.

3. The Aftermath: Talk to Your Child about What Happened: After the incident, briefly discuss what happened with your child so he can learn skills that will help him deal with the situation differently next time. If you don't do this, know that his behavior is not going to become extinct on its own. In most cases, it builds on itself over time. Remember, every time your child acts out over something he wants, a couple of things are happening.

• He's not learning to deal with his own urges.
• He's not learning how to manage immediate gratification.
• He's not learning how to get something appropriately if he wants it.
• Acting out becomes his only problem-solving skill—his only way of getting things.

So always ask yourself, “What is my child learning, and what do I need to teach him to do differently?”

4. The Game-changer: After the incident is over, you have to sit down with your child and say, “You got really angry there and I understand why. You wanted a candy bar and I wouldn’t get it for you. But that behavior only got you into trouble. Next time we're in the store and you want something and I tell you ‘no,’ what can you do differently besides throwing a temper tantrum or yelling at me that won’t get you into trouble?”
Your child doesn’t need to learn to understand his feelings; he needs to learn that when he gets angry, he makes choices. From now on, he has to learn how to make more choices that are positive. He also needs to learn ways of behaving that don’t get him into trouble.

5. Should You Give Consequences for Losing Control? The first thing you have to determine is whether your child is actually losing control or if he’s simply giving you cues and signs as a warning to give in to him. If the latter is the case, consequences are very much indicated. Many people will tell you not to give your child a consequence for acting out of control or throwing a tantrum. They reason that if the child loses control he shouldn’t be held responsible for his actions since he’s not actually making choices.
In my opinion, if your child loses control once or twice, you may want to hold off on consequences. But if losing control becomes a pattern--if this is how he deals with things on a regular basis—I think there should definitely be a consequence. His behavior both inconveniences others and might even put your child or others in danger. Let's say you’re supposed to be getting home to your other kids, but your child is acting out at the mall, so you have to call a neighbor to run to your house. Your child’s behavior has now put everyone else at risk. If your child acts out in the car, he puts you and everyone else there in danger. I think there should absolutely be consequences for that behavior. Don’t pussyfoot around and let your child off the hook with “Oh, he lost control.” That's exactly how he’s working you. His angle is, “I lost control—I couldn’t help it.” Many parents get suckered in by that excuse. But I would tell you that if this acting out happens more than once in a while, your child should be held accountable and there should be consequences.

6. What is Your Parenting Style? Let’s go back to the supermarket example. You see your child start to deteriorate—what do you do? When you use the Coaching style of parenting, you’d say something like, “Remember, we talked about this and you told me that the next time you were upset at the store, you would go over and read magazines until you calmed down.” Your child may not do it, but keep coaching him. Eventually, he's going to respond appropriately. Believe me, behaviors for which people are held accountable and receive consequences tend to diminish over time. Conversely, behaviors that are rewarded tend to increase. It's just that simple: if you reward the acting out or the threat of the tantrum, it's never going to go away.

A child who's blackmailing you with temper tantrums over a candy bar in the supermarket today is the same kid who’s going to stay out all night when he doesn’t get his way. And sadly, you won't be able to stop him. The next time he says, “Well, if you let me stay out until midnight, I won't have to stay out all night,” you’ll give in because you’re scared of what might happen if you don’t compromise. But again, I think you have to decide: “What's the worst that could happen if I don’t let my child manipulate me?” Will your child’s behavior escalate when you start to deal with it? Yes, it will. But I think the more guidance and support you have, the better you'll be able to manage.
Believe me, if your child isn’t taught these all-important problem-solving skills when he’s young, he’s at a higher risk of spending his adult life going from medication to medication, or maybe getting into some kind of social/criminal trouble. If he’s lucky, he might come to grips with his self-defeating strategies and his lack of appropriate problem-solving skills through some sort of educational or therapeutic process. This usually occurs after many failures and disappointments. As a parent, I want you to know that you have the power to help him face his problems now.

Read more: http://www.empoweringparents.com/Anger-with-an-Angle-Is-Your-Child-Using-Anger-to-Control-You.php#ixzz272GXYmjJ