Replacing Anger with Love

Out of nowhere, this guy swerves in front of me, forcing me to slam on my brakes and I yell, "You Jerk! You could have killed me!" Immediately, my heart is pounding and my body is charged with adrenalin. In that same instant, I sense my body shaking and my breathing labored. As I continue to drive to work I think, That guy had no right to cut me off. One day he's going to get killed or kill someone else. He put my life in jeopardy. He has no right to do that. He should know better. What kind of idiot is he anyway? I should of just rammed right into him. He deserved it. With each thought, I become more and more agitated. By the time I arrive at work, I get out of my car and my legs nearly buckle under me. When I enter my office, I am ready to lash out at anyone who crosses me. It is 7:50 AM and none of the mental health facility staff has arrived. One of the drivers, who picks up clients for the day-time program, comes into my office and informs me that I have to handle the 2-way radio until someone else comes in. I say OK, but my mind is full of angry thoughts How am I supposed to get the monthly billing report faxed to corporate headquarters by 10 AM if I am stuck answering the 2-way radio, answering the phone, calling clients, and looking up addresses for the new driver? This isn't fair! One of the counseling staff is supposed to be handling this. Thinking about the situation, I realize that I do not like how I am feeling or the way I am acting. I wonder, Is anger OK for Christians? Is there a better way to deal with these situations?
	"Big boys don't cry. Next time get up and hit him back. Never show fear to your enemy. I'm not angry; I'm just frustrated, irritable, annoyed, or letting off some steam. It's okay to think critical thoughts as long as I don't act on them."
	In our culture, anger is the only emotion that is acceptable to men. However, women soon learn to use it as well. We are an angry society.
	We use the anger thinking-pattern when we respond negatively to unfulfilled expectations or desires. We use the anger thinking-pattern when we respond negatively to someone or something that has wronged or hurt us. We use the anger thinking-pattern when we think thoughts of disapproval or condemnation of someone who has wronged us. We use the anger thinking-pattern when we think unfavorably about someone. We use the anger thinking-pattern to express aggressive, warlike hostility in our behaviors. We use the anger thinking-pattern to respond to "bad" past experiences such as people mistreating us or abusing us. We may use the anger thinking-pattern because we believe lies from the world, the flesh, and the devil. For example, we may believe the lie that anger and violence are normal and acceptable ways to deal with life and solve problems. We use the anger thinking-pattern when we try to get revenge or try to punish others. Under these conditions, we might think things like, People need to be punished. People are basically bad. I have the right to vent my anger when: I am wronged, I am misunderstood, I am falsely accused, and when I am offended. These kinds of thoughts are components of the anger thinking-pattern.
	ANGER
	In the New Testament, the Greek word (or gid' zo) has been translated anger, be angry, and be furious. The Greek word (thoo mos') has also been translated anger, rage; and intense feeling. It is a feeling thinking-pattern. It is a combination of thoughts that can reflect wrath, anger, retribution, punishment, revenge, rage, and intense feeling. The word translated wrath comes from the Greek word (or gay'), and it means wrath, anger, retribution, punishment, and revenge. It is a "mental process."
	The anger thinking-pattern stimulates the brain to send signals to the nerve cells in the hypothalamus. The hypothalamus is the portion of the diencephalons forming the floor of the median ventricle of the brain. The hypothalamus stimulates sympathetic nerves to constrict the arteries carrying blood to the skin, kidneys, and intestines. In addition, the brain sends a signal to the adrenal glands to pump large doses of adrenaline and cortisol into the bloodstream. Our hearts beat faster and our blood pressure rises. In addition, our stomach muscles tighten and we may experience spasms and abdominal pains.
	In the book Getting Anger Under Control, Neil T. Anderson and Rich Miller talk about why the mind determines body-emotions:
	It is not the events themselves that trigger our physiological responses. Nor is it our adrenal glands themselves that initiate the release of adrenaline. Rather, external events are picked up by our five senses and sent as a signal to our brains. The mind then interprets the data and choices are made - and that is what determines the signal that is sent from the brain and nervous system to the peripheral nervous system. The brain cannot function any other way than in the way it has been programmed by the mind. This is why we are transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2).
	The anger thinking-pattern can kill. It can kill you. If you continue to use the anger thinking-pattern to respond to life, you may eventually block the blood flow to your heart and become another notch in the belt of America's heart-attack statistics.
	Unrighteous or dangerous wrath. Wrath (or gay') is used seven times in the New Testament to refer to the use of personal wrath. Two verses define the "how" of a Christian's wrath. These guidelines do not encourage wrath, rather, they warn us about wrath. For example, the Apostle James explains that we should be slow to wrath (anger) because it does not achieve the righteousness of God (see James 1:19).
	Violent passion or rage - righteous anger. The word translated anger comes from the Greek word (or gid' zo) and it has been translated as angry, be furious. This word is all about righteous, violent passion or rage. The passage in Ephesians does not encourage anger, rather, it warns us about anger. Righteous anger, only to be used against the unrighteous (unbelievers), must be resolved by the end of the day. If you misuse or do not resolve your anger by the end of the day, you may sin and/or Satan may gain a place in your life. Ephesians 4:26 appears to be a quote from Psalm 4:4 and it gives us insight into the meaning and manifestation of anger in Ephesians. Psalm 4:4 says, "Tremble, and do not sin." It describes David's physical manifestation of anger; trembling. He trembled when he was warning the unrighteous (unbelievers) about their attitudes.
	The practice of anger. Paul writes about the "deeds" or the expression of thoughts of the flesh. One of the "deeds" is outbursts of anger, (thoo' mos). He says that the people who practice those deeds will not inherit the kingdom of God.
	There are some Christian writers who encourage Christians to practice assertive anger; who say that the anger that motivates us to righteous deeds is good. It is constructive. Warning! Warning! Warning! If we respond to every unrighteous, sinful person and behavior throughout our day with righteous anger (wrath), we will be consumed by anger (wrath). This is not what the New Testament teaches!
	When the thoughts associated with the anger thinking-pattern are not captured, rejected, and replaced with the thoughts associated with the positive love thinking-pattern, they become a negative thought process. The anger thinking-pattern is a negative thought process for the Christian because the anger thinking-pattern comes from your "old self," your sin nature. When you are physically born, you are separate from God and God's ways. Before you became a Christian, you developed patterns of thought and behavior based on your separation from God that led to dysfunctional thinking-patterns such as the anger thinking-pattern. The anger thinking-pattern can persist even after you become a Christian. This dysfunctional thinking-pattern is the driving force behind most dysfunctional families.
	The anger thinking-pattern leads to verbal, emotional, social, financial, spiritual, sexual, and physical abuse.
	The anger thinking-pattern can drive you to use behaviors that can kill others. However, God has made it possible to replace the anger thinking-pattern with the love thinking-pattern by renewing your mind. Study the Six-step Anger thinking-pattern below.
	Analyze: My wife yelled at me, called me nasty names, slapped my face, and threatened to leave me. Research: I have had problems with my wife for years. She has hurt me. She has wronged me. Hypothesize: She doesn't love me. She is going to leave me. She isn't a good Christian wife. She should get what she gives. She has wronged me. She will continue to hurt and wrong me. Propose: Should I get revenge? Should I hurt her also? Should I force her to change? Decide: Yes! I want to make her pay. I want to get back at her. Initiate: I believe that she doesn't love me. She is going to leave me. She isn't a good Christian wife. She should get what she gives. She has wronged me. She will continue to hurt and wrong me.
	When the Six-step Mental Process is completed, you will put your thoughts into action by modifying your Belief System or acting on them or both. Notice that signals sent to the brain, which in turn initiate Observable Behaviors and Body-emotions, can originate from either the Belief System or from the thoughts about how you will carry out your conclusions (Initiate). In this case, the Observable Behavior is...I am warring with her and getting my revenge.
	Notice, that for each step you complete in the Six-step Mental Process, your existing belief system impacts how you use that step.
	LOVE
	In the New Testament, the word translated love comes from the Greek word (ag ah' pay), and it has been translated as love (primarily of Christian love); concern, interest; sacred meal shared by the early Church. Paul says:
	Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).
	I would summarize the New Testament teachings about preventing anger:
	Die to yourself. Give up your life. Stop expecting anything from others. Do good to those who do evil to you. Focus on the welfare of others rather than yourself. Give up your goals, plans, and deadlines. Pray for anyone who abuses you in any way. Live with and through the offense and pain caused by others. In other words, partner with God, to love the person next to you.
	Loving Others - God's Way: (an explanation of the text found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
	Patience: When others cause me to suffer, (emotionally, socially, financially, physically, spiritually), attempt to provoke me, upset my plans and schedule, or cause me to have to deal with tedious issues (shopping, sports, chores, bills, and so forth), I will not complain either to them or about them verbally or within my mind.
	Kindness: No matter what circumstances others are experiencing e.g. feeling sad, hurt, upset, I will listen to what they want to share with me. I will try to understand their experience and feeling. I will validate their thoughts and feelings. I will be helpful, supportive, and on good terms with them. I will not be hostile. I will be polite, refined, and mild (not rough or violent). I will be moved to sympathy and compassion. I will give of my time, my energy, my assets, and myself to meeting the needs of others, even before they ask.
	Lack of Jealousy: I do not have any fear or suspicions about others being unfaithful to me. I believe they will always love me, care for me, be here for me, and devoted to me. I do not have any resentment about their success in life or any advantages they may have over me. I will live transparent before them by sharing my thoughts and feelings about everything with them. I will not cling to what I consider "my rights."
	No Bragging: I will focus on other's skills and abilities rather than on my abilities and myself. I won't brag or demonstrate pride about my own skills and abilities because only God deserves the credit for anything I might do: He is my creator and has given me what I have.
	Not Arrogant: I will not make claims about my so-called rights. I realize that my importance and stature comes only from God. The rights that God has given me are to be used to minister and serve others rather than myself.
	Not Unbecoming: I will not think or act in anyway that would bring shame or dishonor to others. I will act as a disciple of Christ and I intend to allow Christ to show through my life to them.
	Seeks Not Its Own: I will not be selfish or self-centered. I will not put my interests and desires before others. I will not make demands simply to get my own way. I will look for ways to help them achieve their goals and dreams.
	Not Provoked: I will always see other's actions and words as being beneficial to my well-being. I will always assume that they are acting for my benefit and with good intentions. When others want to do things that change my plans or schedule, I will comply or negotiate a new plan or schedule with them. I will look for ways to serve and minister to them even if their actions go against my goals or me.
	Does not Take into Account: I will not act differently toward others when they do something against me. I will look for ways to love them in whatever the circumstance e.g. if they are hurting, fearful, angry, or out of control. I will minister to them and their needs.
	Not Glad about Unrighteousness: I will not be happy about myself if I act in sinful, evil, unjust, or unfair ways toward others. My desire and intent is to act righteously, fairly, and justly toward them.
	Glad about the Truth: I will be glad when I act in ways that are based on right motives, such as being loyal, trustworthy, sincere, genuine, and honest.
	Bears All Things: If I suffer for God's sake, for righteousness sake, for the sake of truth because of my relationship with others, I will hold up with patience and stamina - as God gives me the strength and guidance.
	Believes All Things: I believe that God works in the lives of others. I believe that He wants to live through them and to reach out to touch them for His sake.
	Hopes All Things: I will hope for the best in the lives of others. I hope that God will accomplish His purposes in them. I will wait and have confidence that God will work in their lives, in His timing.
	Endures All Things: I will stand fast and hold out during the hard times of life with others: illness, poverty, conflicts, and all other circumstances in my relationships - even when those times may challenge my strength and resources.
	Never Fails: I will love others with confidence that my love for them will not bring any harm to me or to others because of my love for them and that God will enable me to love them forever. My love for them will never die away. God is love and I will allow Him to express His love to others through me, forever.
	The New Testament teaches you how to prevent or replace anger thinking-patterns. You can exercise your free will. You have a choice. You can prevent the anger thinking-pattern by choosing to respond to the attack or threat or abuse with the love thinking-pattern.   http://www.ntpinstitute.org/Anger.asp?link=Anger